i keep trying to tell myself that this is just one more surgery. That this isn’t any different from the dozens of surgeries she has already had. We’ve been through brain surgery as well as numerous other more severe surgeries, yet i can’t quite convince myself that this surgery is no big deal.
i don’t know why this one should bother me more than any of the others. Maybe they’ve always bothered me just as bad. It could just be that i let myself “feel” the worry more so now. i guess i don’t feel the need to be strong. i have someone that says it’s okay to embrace my feelings and emotions.
There isn’t all that pressure to be strong for everyone else in the family. In fact, i have someone in my life that is there to support me. When it comes to Taylor and her health, having someone that i can lean on makes a big difference in my life. It’s also something that i never thought i would ever have.
Yes, comparatively speaking, this isn’t one of Taylor’s “bigger” surgeries, but any surgery she has right now is going to be a big deal. Trying to make myself believe any different, isn’t going to change things.
i don’t know why this one should bother me more than any of the others. Maybe they’ve always bothered me just as bad. It could just be that i let myself “feel” the worry more so now. i guess i don’t feel the need to be strong. i have someone that says it’s okay to embrace my feelings and emotions.
There isn’t all that pressure to be strong for everyone else in the family. In fact, i have someone in my life that is there to support me. When it comes to Taylor and her health, having someone that i can lean on makes a big difference in my life. It’s also something that i never thought i would ever have.
Yes, comparatively speaking, this isn’t one of Taylor’s “bigger” surgeries, but any surgery she has right now is going to be a big deal. Trying to make myself believe any different, isn’t going to change things.
3 comments:
It is just one more surgery, but like all the ones before, it can go good or it can go bad.
The good thing is, we have each other, and you do not have to take all the pressure and stress.
I am taking plenty for you!!!
I love you,
Master
Your Master is right this surgery is like all the ones before in that it can go good or it can go bad.
Not to put gloom and doom on the subject of this particular surgery that Taylor is having, but i kind of think i know what you're getting at about this particular surgery since other aspects of her health and behaviors are changing also. you've had 18 years of continued hope where none was to be found most times...and now this is a dry period of hope again for her recovery. So the cliche' of the day is for you today, "Let Go and Let God"; "Turn it Over" oppss, sorry i over used my allotment of cliche's
**big smiles**
i'm so happy for you that you don't have to be strong for your family anymore and it's great that your Master is taking on the final decision making; is being strong as humanly possible for the three of you.
Continue to rely on your Master He was definately a gift from God to you and rely on God as well. He has ALL the control and knows the end from the beginning of all of our lives.
Hugs,
kathleen {SG}
Proud to be called doulos to
Jesus Christ and Sir Geoffrey
my friend, my sister-there is no such thing as "just another surgery" when its your child. Trust in your Master and let Him hold you when your own legs fail you.
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