Taylor and i just got home. So yesterday, when i thought Taylor wasn’t seizing, i was wrong. i actually found out something new. For all the seizures that we can see, Taylor has about 10-15 an hour that have no outward appearance. Isn’t that special? Yeah, that oozes sarcasm.
i knew, deep down, that this test was not going to give me that “magic cure”…there is no such thing when it comes to Taylor’s brain. Master says we are helping others that may come along. i know that is true, but i will admit to having that selfish part of me that says i don’t want to help others…i want to help my child. Of course, i don’t really mean that, it’s just a venting thing.
i don’t know why, but whenever i come back home after a few days in the hospital with Taylor, i always feel out of sorts. i feel like i don’t belong. i don’t know how else to explain it. i imagine it’s from the stress that any hospitalization brings about. Now that i actually have someone to come home to, i thought that maybe i wouldn't feel odd. While having someone to share my feelings with is a definite help, i still feel like i’m on the outside, looking in.
i knew, deep down, that this test was not going to give me that “magic cure”…there is no such thing when it comes to Taylor’s brain. Master says we are helping others that may come along. i know that is true, but i will admit to having that selfish part of me that says i don’t want to help others…i want to help my child. Of course, i don’t really mean that, it’s just a venting thing.
i don’t know why, but whenever i come back home after a few days in the hospital with Taylor, i always feel out of sorts. i feel like i don’t belong. i don’t know how else to explain it. i imagine it’s from the stress that any hospitalization brings about. Now that i actually have someone to come home to, i thought that maybe i wouldn't feel odd. While having someone to share my feelings with is a definite help, i still feel like i’m on the outside, looking in.
1 comments:
It's good to know you are back home a little early (i think) and now you can slowly get back into your "normal" routine. It will take a couple days of course, but "there is no place like home, no place like home..."
And my friend, its okay to be selfish because she is YOUR daughter and no one else's. Deep w/in you know you are helping others but it does not always make you feel any better. Its alright to be selfish once in awhile.
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