Today was a pretty emotional day for me. You would think that after 19 years, i would not get upset because my child isn’t “normal”.
i watched parents shopping with their kids for back to school items and i wanted my child to be like “their” kids. i wanted my daughter to show me the new, trendy clothes that she wanted for school.
i wanted to sit in the van and carry on a conversation with my teenager about what cute boy she likes or how she wants to spend the night with her friends. Unfortunately, that is not my life.
i don’t know why it would bother me so much today. i cried and it felt like my heart was breaking. It helped to talk about it with my Master. He was there for me and i really appreciated it.
i’m not sure how much more emotional stuff i can deal with at the moment. You know, i’m trying really hard to learn everything i can about the business. i’m trying to do whatever i need to do to be of help to my Master and he told me i was doing a good job. But i guess maybe i’m not.
This is all new for me. i’m trying so hard to be a good slave, a good mom, a good employee. But there is nothing like hearing the words, “you don’t inspire confidence” to really rip out your heart.
i watched parents shopping with their kids for back to school items and i wanted my child to be like “their” kids. i wanted my daughter to show me the new, trendy clothes that she wanted for school.
i wanted to sit in the van and carry on a conversation with my teenager about what cute boy she likes or how she wants to spend the night with her friends. Unfortunately, that is not my life.
i don’t know why it would bother me so much today. i cried and it felt like my heart was breaking. It helped to talk about it with my Master. He was there for me and i really appreciated it.
i’m not sure how much more emotional stuff i can deal with at the moment. You know, i’m trying really hard to learn everything i can about the business. i’m trying to do whatever i need to do to be of help to my Master and he told me i was doing a good job. But i guess maybe i’m not.
This is all new for me. i’m trying so hard to be a good slave, a good mom, a good employee. But there is nothing like hearing the words, “you don’t inspire confidence” to really rip out your heart.
4 comments:
you are doing a great job. As we discussed, there are times when I want something else done, and I will let you know that.
It is a big balancing act, I know, and I know you are dealing with a lot of emotions right now.
I am your Master, but I am also here for you to talk to.
Master
my friend,
There will always be days when you wish/pray for a "normal" child-this is only human. It's kind of like your desire to be the best slave for CDK-its only human. i cannot remove the desire for neither, nor would i want too as its part of what makes you such a wonderful person. Yes it is a lot that you have on your plate, but your Master would not have put it there had you not been able to handle it. And as you are well aware, He is there for you.
And though you don't have those "typical" teen daughter and mom conversations, you also do not have the trouble that comes alongside w/it. There are no disagreements about her clothing being too short or that boyfriend being too "wrong" for your princess. your word is all she needs in her life-nothing more. And your princess gets a kick out of spending time w/the sitter-where you know she is ok and you know when she is coming home. i know its hard at times to remember, but there is always a flip side to the down side off anything.
And remember, i am just an im, email or phone call away.
Once again, Master's anguissette expresses most of my thoughts very well. i'm thinking about a couple of other causes for your emotional turmoil. You are physically sick and have been so many times off and on for a while now.....i'm not sure what is going on with your daughters and their families lately; you could possibly be carrying their worries on your sholders...All of the other things I think???? have been mentioned, except for one, make that two, PMS and or early menopause. Have you ever had your PCP check your hormone levels???
I don't understand the "you don't inspire confidence" comment nor W/who made it. Guess that's a conversation for IM.
Hey, and btw, where's cat these days???? i haven't heard you mention her but i have a feeling if your Master permits sitting and having a cup of coffee with her, might?? be of help????
MAJORLY BIG TIME HUG to my sister in a slaves mental chains.
kathleen {SG}
Proud to be called doulos to
Jesus Christ and Sir Geoffrey
i have to agree w/kathleen, i do not understand the "you don't inspire confidence" comment either, but i thought it was just me...we are both here sister dear.
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