Today has been a much better day emotionally. Master and i talked last night and that helped. i have emotions. Maybe more so than most, but it is just who i am.
i’m sure things were easier when i would keep my feelings all bottled up inside. Honestly, there are times when i wish i could still do that. While i know it isn’t healthy, sometimes it’s more comfortable. That is my comfort zone…a place where i can hide from my feelings.
Yes, i know that i’m better off now that i deal with my feelings. There are always going to be those times when i just want to pull the covers over my head and hide…but i don’t.
i’m sure things were easier when i would keep my feelings all bottled up inside. Honestly, there are times when i wish i could still do that. While i know it isn’t healthy, sometimes it’s more comfortable. That is my comfort zone…a place where i can hide from my feelings.
Yes, i know that i’m better off now that i deal with my feelings. There are always going to be those times when i just want to pull the covers over my head and hide…but i don’t.
2 comments:
and it makes life easier not only for you, but everyone around you :)
you have come a long way from when you would just stuff everything. I am so proud of how you have grown here in two years.
Now get your ass back to work slave!!!
I love you my office slave,
Master
i can identify with how you feel. i can still remember when i started to be encouraged to have feelings. i was in a dextox at the time and the councelor actually had to show me a chart with different animated type faces with labels to give me ideas of what feelings were. At this time he told me i had the "feelings of a robot." i did or unknowingly did what i had to at the time. i was a block of ice that was scared to death to thaw. As i did thaw i found out what tears are and that scared the living day lights out of me and i consiouly made a decision i wasn't going to cry as that made me appear to be weak and out of control. The real reason i think is i was afraid if i started i would never stop.
As we both know feeling the feelings stinks but i'm glad your Master understands and can lift you up that you're doing the right thing in working through all the muck and mire of your past. i'm sure you already know this but your past is not your present. you have behaviors that came out of some pretty horific situations but now it is time to come out of that comfort zone you spoke of; now painfully, and sometimes with great fear it's time to take on the attitude it's all about change.
i'd be lying if i said all this was easy, because it really isn't easy at all and pardon my language but many times it really sucks. It is possible and a great relief though after you go through each set of confusion of your mind and get to the other side.
Be free from the cage of your mind little bird, it is now time to soar.
hang in there!!!!
BIG HUGS,
kathleen {SG}
Proud to be called the doulos to
Jesus Christ and Sir Geoffrey
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