There are still times when living this lifestyle scares me a little. Sometimes, i think it’s my own desires that cause the fear.
There are times when i want things extreme, but deep in the back of my head, i wonder if i can handle what i want. What happens if i’m pushed way beyond my limits? Master has always been very good at pushing me, but never beyond what i could handle. Of course, i didn’t think i could handle it at the time. It always turns out that Master knows what he is doing. *smiles*
Master and i do play on the edge and i love that. i guess there is still a part of me that wants more but is too scared to actually follow through with things…though i’m not sure how much farther we could go without me ending up in the ER.
Maybe i haven’t reconciled myself to being a “pain slut”. Maybe there is a part of me that still thinks that being a masochist is just “not right”. It’s definitely not normal, but then, what is normal? i love being an owned slave. i love the control my Master has over me. This lifestyle is my normal. i don’t think i could live any other way, even if it still scares me a bit.
Okay, so maybe i’m not getting my point across in a very cohesive manner. That is just “dawnsense” for you. *laughs* i’m sure some of my slave friends will understand this post. If not, just message me and i’ll try and provide some “Cliffs Notes”.
There are times when i want things extreme, but deep in the back of my head, i wonder if i can handle what i want. What happens if i’m pushed way beyond my limits? Master has always been very good at pushing me, but never beyond what i could handle. Of course, i didn’t think i could handle it at the time. It always turns out that Master knows what he is doing. *smiles*
Master and i do play on the edge and i love that. i guess there is still a part of me that wants more but is too scared to actually follow through with things…though i’m not sure how much farther we could go without me ending up in the ER.
Maybe i haven’t reconciled myself to being a “pain slut”. Maybe there is a part of me that still thinks that being a masochist is just “not right”. It’s definitely not normal, but then, what is normal? i love being an owned slave. i love the control my Master has over me. This lifestyle is my normal. i don’t think i could live any other way, even if it still scares me a bit.
Okay, so maybe i’m not getting my point across in a very cohesive manner. That is just “dawnsense” for you. *laughs* i’m sure some of my slave friends will understand this post. If not, just message me and i’ll try and provide some “Cliffs Notes”.
2 comments:
I do know what you mean, and that scares me!!
Seriously, I understand and yes, that is what makes this lifestyle so exciting, to push ones limits and see how far you can go, and can handle.
Of course I sometimes feel like the safety police, but we do get near that dark edge at times, and it surely is a rush.
Master
i understand...
hugs,
kathleen {SG}
Proud to be called doulos
to Jesus Christ and Sir Geoffrey
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