i had a discussion with Master that i know needed to be addressed, but i just wasn't ready to. B sort of kicked it off last night during our scrapbooking session. She brought up Taylor and told me that she has noticed how bad Taylor's gotten just in the 4 months she's been in Oregon.
Taylor's seizures have changed and they've gotten worse. We can see declines in her almost weekly. Seizures are harder and longer. We have always thought that Taylor had an "aura" right before she would seize. If she was holding something, she would put it down. She would also grab hold of something if it was within reach to keep her upright. Now, those things are gone. She just goes right into a seizure.
Anyway, B asked me if will be easier for me, when Taylor goes, because she is here. While i can't even contemplate my life without Taylor, i realize that that time may be fast approaching. Master and i discussed whether it would be better to have preparations in place or not. Of course, the answer is yes. i guess i just don't know if i could handle planning Taylor's funeral even though i know i won't be coherent enough after she's gone to get it done.
There is just no easy answer right now...like any of this will ever be easy.
3 comments:
It is the right thing to do, and making the decisions now, will make things a little easier later.
Also the decisions will be made when we are rational and thinking clearly.
As hard as it is, talking about it even helps us prepare, just a little bit. The less we talk about it, the worse it will hit later down the road.
I hate seeing her seizing so badly, and as we talked about, I am glad she just really does not have a clue what is happening to her.
Sometimes, it would be nice if we had that.
It won't be easy when her time is up, but we just need to prepare the best we can. Having your daughter here will be a big help also.
I love you,
Master
i can't begin to imagine what it must be like to have to make these type of decisions for your daughter.
Just know that my heart and prayers are with you all.
hugs,
kathleen {SG}
I have no idea how what your going through feels. I do however get a feeling of it with your writing. I wish i had words that would make that pain go away and make everything all right.
I think that your right in making preperations. Hell its even right to make your own so others dont have to do it.
I think it takes a lot of courage, faith, strength and love to be the mother you are and to have what you have.
Your never going to be prepared, but the things that you can prepare for to make it easier on you, there isnt anything wrong with that.
Big hugs, and im glad you have people around you who truly love and care about you.
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